


Ecclesiastes Three

by Singerme



Category: Gunsmoke
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-19
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-12 06:56:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/808625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Singerme/pseuds/Singerme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Looking at the words, he didn't know the purpose for this, but he had faith enough to believe that the time to laugh would be coming soon.  They'd already had too much time to weep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ecclesiastes Three

**Ecclesiastes Three**

**Author’s Note. First of all this is totally non-canon after season 16 so don’t shoot me for not sticking to the show verbatim. Second, I am neither a doctor nor a psychologist. So if I got something wrong….. Well, I got it wrong. (I’d say you could sue me but I’m dead broke and I’m certainly not gonna get a dime from this.)**

**Also, I do not own these characters; I just like to spend time with them.**

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

**Ecclesiastes 3**

King James Version (KJV)

 **3** To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

 **2** A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

 **3** A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

 **4** A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

 **5** A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

 **6** A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

 **7** A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

 **8** A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

Kitty woke yet again nauseous and lightheaded. She knew why but she refused to give it voice. The reality of it was too upsetting for words. Looking over at the man in bed beside her, she saw, with some small satisfaction, that he was still deep in slumber. He’d had quite a bit to drink the previous evening so it was her hope he would sleep a while longer.

Quietly and carefully, she pulled herself from bed and quickly dressed, leaving the bedroom. He was normally a light sleeper and woke with just the slightest of noise or movement. She had a long list of chores she would need to complete before he woke and she was hoping her strength, and his unconscious state, would hold out until she could get them done.

For several minutes she stood holding her aching sides as she contemplated where to start. He’d hurt her again the night before and she wasn’t sure but she thought she might have at the least one cracked rib. That would make her work harder to accomplish but she would accomplish it. She had no choice if she didn’t want another beating.

For a moment her eyes flickered to the door. She couldn’t remember if he’d locked it when he came in last night or not. But drawing in a sharp breath she realized she’d not make it walking and he kept the horse under lock and key in the barn.

Deciding against breakfast for a while, for fear the smell of food would wake him and make her nausea worse, she instead began to slowly pick up the room they used as living room, dining room and kitchen.

He had thrown his jacket to the floor last night after coming in and it still lay where it had dropped. Normally he took great care in keeping his jacket and keys and anything else of that nature away from her. But last night he had been too drunk to care. His desire for her body had over ridden everything else.

Picking up the jacket she heard a soft jingle. Darting a quick and terrified glance at the bedroom door, she reached into the pocket to find his keys and several silver dollars as well as several large bills in folding money. Kitty realized this might be her only chance to escape the hell she had been tossed into three months prior. If she failed to take it, there might not be another.

The jacket she held in her hand, though dirty and smelling of him, was, never the less, warmer than the thin shawl he allowed her to wear when she went out to do chores. Quickly putting it on, she stepped hurriedly over to the door and let herself out. Running across the yard, she hastily ran to the barn, nervously fumbling with the lock until she finally unlocked the door with the keys from the jacket pocket and let herself in.

His horse was much bigger than the horse she’d been riding when he took her, but it didn’t matter. She needed a way out of here and this horse was her only option. Deciding against saddling the horse, due to the time it would take as well as the strength; she hastily bridled the horse, hauled herself up on the side of the stall and then climbed on.

Once outside of the barn, she turned the brute east, praying she could get far away before her tormentor awoke and realized she was gone.

She made ten miles before she finally had to stop. Desperately sick at her stomach and trembling from head to toe, she could no longer keep herself upright on the panting horse. Spotting a small stream with several large boulders nearby that she could use to climb off and onto the horse, Kitty carefully made her way in that direction.

She managed to dismount the animal without breaking her neck and quickly bent down to the ground, her stomach convulsing in great racking heaves. She’d had nothing to eat since the day before yesterday so there was nothing on her stomach to give up, which somehow made the burning nausea worse.

For several long moments, she crouched there on the ground, valiantly willing herself to rise, but though her spirit was more than willing, her body was extremely weak. But finally, she managed to pull herself to the water’s edge and take several deep drinks of the cooling fluid before grabbing the reins of the horse and climbing back atop one of the boulders to mount him.

Turning once again east, she urged the gelding into a trot and started off again. She made another fifteen miles before she lost her grip and fell, the lights went out completely and Kitty Russell ceased to exist as she knew her.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

She awoke with a headache and an upset stomach to the sounds of two men talking. Looking about her, she saw she was in a bedroom, plainly furnished but clean and neat and oddly comforting. She was lying on a large bed dressed in a soft white flannel gown. Forcing herself to get up, she rose and stepped to the doorway in search of the voices she heard.

“Hey,” she weakly called to them. “Where am I?” Gripping the doorframe she began to sag and she now realized, getting up had not been a good idea.

“Kitty,” one of the men exclaimed as he quickly stepped across the room and effortlessly picked her up, gently carrying her back to the bed. “Honey, you shouldn’t be up.”

She looked up at the big man with the beautiful blue eyes with a complete look of puzzlement. “Who?” She asked.

He reached for her hand as he settled her on the bed but she pulled it back, uncertain of this man or his intentions despite the kindness she saw reflected in his features. “Kitty, it’s alright. You’re safe. You’re home.”

“Home?” Her brow crinkled in confusion as the other, older man stepped up beside him. “I live here?” She looked again at the room she was in.

The older man placed a hand on the big man’s shoulders. “Matt, why don’t you step outside and let me examine my patient?”

The man he called, Matt, hesitated and she could see something flicker across his face, but what, she wasn’t sure. “I’ll be just outside here.” He gave her a gentle smile before turning and walking out.

She didn’t answer as she watched him retreat. Her focus shifted to the elder man who had taken a seat beside her on the bed.

“Now then, young lady, let’s get a look at you.” The white haired man took a swipe of his mustache as he pulled a pair of spectacles from his vest pocket and put them on.

“Who are you?” She shrank back from him as she had the other one, not sure if she wanted him near her, much less ‘getting a look’ at her.

The man paused and studied her face intently for several moments before answering. “My name is Doctor Adams. This is my office that you’re in.”

“And I live here?” She asked. Try as she might, she couldn’t remember. The room, the men, nothing looked or sounded familiar. Even her own name, Kitty, the man had called her, sounded foreign to her ears.

“Well, no.” The doctor answered. “Not here in these rooms. But you do live here in town, in Dodge.”

She searched her memory for that name, for anything that would lift the corners of the darkness she found herself in but nothing came to mind. “That man called me… Kitty?”

“That’s right.” The gray haired gentleman responded. “Kitty Russell. And that man’s name is Matt Dillon. He’s the Marshal here.”

She grimaced as her headache increased sharply and her stomach rolled over in sympathy. “Oh….” Grabbing her head, she rolled to her side, desperately praying for it to stop.

The old man rose from her side and swiftly crossed the room to a tall chest against the wall. Filling a glass with water, he mixed a packet of some sort of powder into it and quickly brought it back. “Here, Honey,” he said as he helped her to a semi-sitting position. “Take this and it’ll make you feel a little better.”

She was in so much misery at that moment she would have drank poison if it had held the promise of relief. Taking the glass in shaky hands, she drained the contents before handing it back to the seemingly friendly physician beside her. “Thank you,” she said in a ragged voice.

“Just lay back there and relax,” he instructed. “Let that medicine have a chance to work.”

Taking a deep breath, she did as he told her and soon felt her misery lift replaced with extreme sleepiness. Within a few more moments, her breathing evened out and she was asleep.

Gently, so as not to disturb her, Doc gave her a cursory examination before pulling the comforter up to her chin and leaving the room, letting her sleep.

Matt was pacing anxiously in the outer office. “How is she?” he asked the second Doc appeared.

“She’s asleep.” Doc answered with a sigh. “Right now that’s the best thing for her.”

“What’s wrong with her, Doc?” Matt asked. “She acted like she didn’t even know me.”

Doc wearily scrubbed his face and shuffled over to the stove. Pouring himself a cup of the hot and burnt smelling liquid, he looked back sadly at the younger man he often thought of as a son.

“She doesn’t know you, Matt.” Doc finally answered. “She doesn’t know you, or me, or even herself right now. Hitting her head, the way she did when she fell, must’ve robbed her of her memory. Or at least part of it. She remembers how to talk and walk and things like that, but names and faces and places are beyond her. She doesn’t know a blessed thing right now. And to be honest with you, I’m not so sure that’s bad.”

Matt’s brow furrowed. “How could her not remembering anything be good?” he asked in consternation.

Doc slumped down in his chair and looked up at the frustrated Marshal. “Matt, you were here when she was brought in. You saw how thin she is, the bruises, the sores. You sat right here and watched me wrap her broken ribs. Do you really think, remembering how she got those injuries, is good?”

Matt dropped his head. “I guess not,” he muttered. “But, Doc, we don’t know where she’s been for the last three months, or who she’s been with. As you just pointed out, she was hurt pretty bad. The only clue we have is that jacket she was wearing and it tells me nothing. I want the man who did that to her and she’s the only one who can tell me who that is.”

“No she can’t.” Doc said softly. “Right now she can’t tell you anything. Besides, is that all you care about? Getting the man? What about her? What about how she feels?” Doc’s frustration and anger at the marks he’d seen on Kitty was obvious.

Matt took a deep breath as he looked at the closed bedroom door. “How long do you think she’ll sleep?” he finally asked.

“A few hours,” Doc answered without looking up.

Matt nodded as he placed his hat on his head and turned for the door. “I’ll be back.”

Doc watched him leave without reply. He knew Matt needed some time alone to think about this.

Three months prior a healthy, happy woman named Kitty Russell had taken a ride out into the country to visit friends and had disappeared.

For those three months, the valiant Dodge City Marshal had searched endlessly for her. Never giving up and seldom resting until his strength or his horse gave out and he no choice but to come home. But his searches had proven fruitless.

Then two days ago, she had been brought back to town in the back of a freight wagon, having been found lying unconscious on the prairie floor, a gash on her forehead and a body that told of unimaginable abuse and something more. Something he hadn’t been able to tell Matt. Something he himself didn’t want to think about right then.

Pushing his coffee aside, he rose, took his bible and walked back into the bedroom to sit beside his patient and pray. As he settled in the chair, the old tome opened up on his knee to one of his favorite verses. “ ** _To everything there is a season and_** **_a time to every purpose under the heaven_.”** Looking down at the words, he didn’t know the purpose for this but he had enough faith to believe that the time to laugh would be coming soon. They’d already had too much time to weep.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

Several hours later her eyes opened. She was clear headed with not a sign of the nausea and headache that had greeted her last time. Looking about her, she found the big man in the chair beside her bed, his chin on his chest apparently asleep. Though she didn’t know him, she found his presence comforting and it gave her a sense of security.

For quite a while she lay there, unmoving, simply watching the man, though she couldn’t have said why. But as he was there, sitting vigil for her, she reasoned they must know each other in the least. How and in what way, she had no clue.

Finally deciding she should get up and needing to use the water closet, she painfully and slowly pulled herself up and to her feet.

She managed three steps before stubbing her toe on Matt’s chair, causing her to lose her fragile balance and fall clumsily into his lap just as he woke to catch her. For several moments the two stared intently into the others eyes before Kitty finally struggled to pull her self free from his arms and rise. “I… I’m sorry. I was trying to… to go…” Her face flushed and she turned crimson not wanting to say exactly where she was trying to go.

Matt swiftly helped her to her feet and stood with her. “Doc doesn’t have a water closet here.” He said, his own face turning red. “I’ll… uh… step outside. There’s a chamber pot under the end of the bed.”

Kitty merely nodded as he crossed the room in two strides and hastily left, closing the door behind him. “Well, that was awkward.” She muttered.

Just as Matt closed the door behind him, Doc came in. “Oh, you awake, are ya? What about Kitty? She still asleep?”

“Yes and no.” Matt answered cryptically. “Yes, I’m awake and no Kitty’s not still asleep. She needed a little privacy.”

Doc stopped and gave Matt a curious look before nodding slowly. “Yeah, okay. How was she feeling?”

“I’m not sure. She didn’t look to be as pale as she was. Didn’t have too much chance to talk to her. I wish I knew where’s she’s been.” Matt plugged his fingers into his vest pockets and studied the floor.

“I know, Matt.” Doc shook his head. “But right now that’s not as important as she is. We need to get her back on her feet and then we’ll worry about everything else.”

“I am back on my feet.” Kitty stated from the doorway. “I don’t know what kind of medicine you gave me in that cup, Doctor, but it worked. Now if you’ll tell me where you put my clothes, I’ll get out of here and let you have your room back.”

Matt and Doc glanced at each other before quickly crossing the room to her side. “Here, here, young lady, you have no business being up.” Doc exclaimed.

“Kitty, you need to be back in bed,” Matt proclaimed firmly taking her by the arm.

The swift attention and actions of both men somewhat startled her and she pulled back from their touch, nearly stumbling backwards. Matt grabbed her arm to steady her. “I’m really alright.” She protested. “Honestly.

With an understanding nod, Doc took a step back and tapped Matt on the arm to let her go. “Kitty, I really don’t think you’re in any shape to go anywhere. But if you insist, I’ll send someone to your place to get you some clothes tomorrow. The ones you were wearing aren’t in too good a shape.”

Kitty’s brow furrowed. “Tomorrow?” Then she noticed something else he said. “My place?”

Matt nodded. “Yeah, you live here in town, right above your business.”

Kitty looked at Matt, amazed. “I own a business?”

Matt nodded. “You own the Long Branch Saloon. It’s the best saloon in town.” He said with a hint of pride in his voice.

Kitty ran that information over in her mind, not sure how she felt about that. Was she the kind of woman that would own and run a saloon? Was that all she did? And what about this Marshal? What kind of arrangement did she, as a saloon owner, have with this representative of the law? One thing was for certain, she didn’t remember it.

Finally she looked up at both the Marshal and the Doctor. “Well, what do you know about that? At least I have a place to go to. Could one of you tell me how to get there? I should go today, not tomorrow.”

“Tell you what,” Doc gently took her arm and led her back into the bedroom. “You just lay back down in there, and rest, and I’ll send for clothes for you. Then later on, me and Matt, here, will both take you to your place. Now how would that be?”

Kitty favored him with a shy smile and nodded. “Alright. I suppose I could use a little more rest. I seem to be awful tired.”

Doc and Matt exchanged glances as they both helped her back to the bed. “Right now, rest is the best thing for you. That and nourishment that is. You think you could eat something?”

Kitty ran that thought by her stomach and when no protest was forthcoming she nodded. “I guess.”

“I’ll go and get it.” Matt spoke up softly. “Anything in particular you want?”

Kitty shrugged ruefully. “I… I don’t know. I have no idea what I like or don’t like.”

“Well, I think its best you start off with something light.” Doc decided. “I’ll ya… Matt, just get her some chicken broth and some crackers.”

“Okay, Doc.” Matt answered as he looked back down at Kitty. “I’ll be back in a little bit. You just rest.”

Kitty nodded as he turned and left the room. Looking back over at the Doctor she searched his face for answers but found none. “Is he… I mean, are we… he… he and I, I mean…” She wasn’t sure how to ask the question.

“You’re friends.” Doc answered. “Now lay back there and I’ll get you some more medicine to help you sleep.”

“NO!” Kitty stayed him with a hand on his. “I appreciate it but I don’t need it. I’m not hurting right now and besides I need some answers, Doctor.”

“Answers?”

“Answers. So far you’ve told me my name, and that I own a business and that I live here in town and I’m friends with the Marshal. But is that all? Is there anyone special in my life? Do I have any family, children? What do I do besides run a saloon? Doctor, please? Help me out here.”

Doc nodded. “Alright. I’ll answer some of those questions but the rest will wait. No you don’t have any relatives and no kids. Besides running your business, you’re active in the town chamber and various charities around the town. You have a lot of friends and are well respected. Now everything else can wait.”

“You didn’t answer my first question, though, Doctor. Do I have anyone special in my life?”

Doc tugged his ear and scrubbed his face before slowly nodding. “Yes.” He said simply. “Now lay back there and close your eyes and sleep. I’ll just be in the other room if you need me.”

“But, Doctor.” She protested.

“Kitty, you need rest. Later on will be plenty enough time to answer all of your questions but not now.” Without another word, he turned and left the room, giving her no chance for further interrogation.

Kitty sighed deeply as she watched the door close behind him. Her mind was swirling with questions. ‘Yes’, the doctor had said. What did that mean exactly? She still had a ton of questions but she suspected the answers weren’t going to come easily from the tightlipped physician. Lying back and closing her eyes exhaustedly, she decided later would be time enough to get those answers, right then she was too tired.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

A gust of wind knocked a tree branch up against the house and woke the sleeping man.  He opened his eyes to a thundering headache, an aching stomach and an empty bed.   She wasn’t lying beside him as he expected.  Opening his bloodshot eyes he looked through the dirty window and saw that the sun was high in the sky.  He had apparently been asleep for some time.   Pulling himself stiffly from the creaking bed, he shuffled from the room.

Being hung over made it difficult but he managed to search the place to find that she had taken the opportunity he had stupidly given her and escaped, taking his horse and money with her.  Angrily he kicked over a chair in the living room.  Without a horse and not knowing how much of a head start she had on him, he knew finding her and bringing her back would be difficult.  But he had already decided he would do just that. 

No woman would have the better of him, especially not her.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

**Two Days Later**

Matt sat with his back against a tree, absently watching the water in Spring Creek as it flowed past him.  Coming back to town from a short trip to Cimarron, he had dropped his things on his desk, gone to Doc’s to find him gone and the office locked.  He almost panicked, but it was then that he ran into Newly, who told him Kitty had been moved back to the Long Branch and Doc was out on a call.

He came close to going up to see her, but he wasn’t sure she’d let him in or even if he should.  Instead he got back on his horse and rode out.

His mind was in turmoil and his heart ached for the woman he loved.  He had always been a problem solver.  Always been the one to find the problem and fix it.  But this problem was beyond him.   How could he fix this?

“Figured I’d find you here.” Doc said as he walked up.  “You always come either here or the cemetery.”

“How’s Kitty?”  Matt asked sharply.

“She’s fine.” Doc answered.  “I checked on her when I got back to town.  She was sleeping, s0 I figured this would be a good time for us to talk.”

“There’s more wrong with Kitty than just her memory being gone, isn’t there?”  Matt asked watching Doc’s face closely.

Doc lowered himself to the ground beside Matt and picked up a twig from the ground, slowly twirling it in his fingers as he decided the best way to say it.  “Yes, there is.” He finally answered.  “Or at least, I guess I could say, there’s something more going on.  Whether it’s wrong or not… Well…, that depends.”

Matt’s face clouded.  “Depends on what?  What are you talking about?”

Doc avoided looking at Matt, as he took a deep breath, once again twirling the little twig.  “Kitty’s pregnant,” He finally answered.  “About three months or so.”

Doc didn’t have to look at Matt to see his reaction.  The loud intake of air and the soft gasp “Oh” was enough. 

“Does Kitty know?”  Matt asked quietly.

“No.  No, she doesn’t.”  Doc answered, tossing the twig away and turning to look at the shock on Matt’s face.  “I need to tell her but I’m not sure how.  She already has a lot of questions and she’s going to have a lot more.   I’m not sure I’m going to have the answers.”

Matt stared out at the water.  “Three months?” he asked.

Doc nodded. “About.  You know what that could mean, Matt?  That baby could belong to whoever took her or…”

“Or me.” Matt finished for him.  “Has she said anything to you, Doc?  I mean about her and me, about whether she remembers anything about us?”

Doc shook his head and scrubbed his mustache.  “She asked if there was anything between you two, but I don’t think its cause she remembers anything.  I think she just noticed the way you acted around her and was curious.”

Matt raised confused and worried eyes to Doc’s.  “Is she ever going to remember anything?”

Doc shrugged slightly as he looked down at the ground.  “I don’t know, Matt.  I honestly don’t.    There’s a chance that she will but an even better chance that she won’t.  That head wound was bad and with the abuse she obviously suffered….”  He took a deep breath.   “ I have a friend back in Baltimore that I wired for his opinion and I’ve consulted every book and journal I could find, but so far there’s no real answers and no way of knowing. ”   Doc looked over at Matt, studying him for a moment.  “What are you thinking?”

Matt took a deep breath.  Pursing his lips, he slowly got up to his feet, before answering.  “I guess I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

“You think that’s the right thing to do?”  Doc frowned.  “There’s a good chance that baby’s not yours, you know.  And if it isn’t…”

“It won’t matter, Doc.” Matt looked down at him.  “I let her down three months ago when she disappeared and I didn’t find her.   I looked hard but apparently I didn’t look hard enough.” 

Doc gave him a strange look.  “Didn’t look hard enough?  You seldom slept, Matt.   You wired every place you could think of, just about rode that horse of yours into the ground looking for her.  Jim Buck told me you even had him and other stage drivers looking for her on their rides.  And I know Captain Jansen out at the Fort had every soldier he could spare scouring the prairie for her as well on your behalf.  How much harder could you have looked?

Matt sighed.  “None of that matters, Doc.  All that matters is that I didn’t find her.  I owe it to her now to take care of her and this baby.”

Doc looked up at him with a scowl.  Angrily he pulled himself to his feet.  “You owe???  You mean you plan on marrying that girl out of some sort of misplaced guilt?  That has got to be the most selfish thing I have ever heard from you.” 

Taking a couple steps closer to Matt, Doc jabbed his finger into Matt’s chest, his brows waving in agitation.  “Do you honestly believe Kitty would want that?  Tarnation, son!  She doesn’t need your guilt or your pity.  If that’s all you can offer her than maybe you ought to just leave her alone completely.”

Matt looked chastened.  “I didn’t mean it like that, Doc.  You know I love Kitty.  I just… I…”

“You just never wanted to marry her until right now, huh?  Until you figured you had to?”  Doc’s anger hadn’t abated.  “Let me tell you something, Mr. Marshal.  That young lady deserves more than that.  She deserves a man that not only loves her but wants her.  HER.  A man that will put her first in all things and be proud of having her in his life, instead of trying to hide it, like he was ashamed of her.  A man that would ask her to marry him simply because life wouldn’t be the same, _he_ wouldn’t be the same, without her in it.  She doesn’t deserve a man who’d marry her only because he felt guilty!”

With each word, Doc’s voice rose and Matt’s head dropped lower.  His shoulders slumping just a bit more.  “It’s not because of guilt, Doc.  And I’ve never been ashamed of her.” He finally said with almost a sob in his voice.  “I was trying to protect her.  I wanted to keep her safe.  I figured if no one knew…”

“”That worked real well, didn’t it.”  Doc retorted.  Scrubbing his mustache he took several steps away, trying to rein in his anger. 

Matt took a deep breath looking back at the blue current floating past, his thoughts deeper than the depth of the water.

“I’ll tell you something, Matt.” Doc’s tone of voice was softer and less stringent.  “You loving Kitty isn’t enough now.  She doesn’t remember your history together.  To her, you’re just a nice man that has shown some concern.  Nothing more.  You can ask her to marry you but I doubt she will accept.  She doesn’t know you.”

As that knowledge sunk in, Matt sagged against the tree he was standing beside.  “What do I do?” he asked forlornly. 

Doc’s fury ebbed and his expression changed to one of concern and sympathy.  “That is up to you, Matt.  If you love her, _really love her,_ and you really want her in your life, then you’ll have to do more than you ever have before.  You can’t rely on your past, Matt, cause she doesn’t know anything about it.  You’re going to have court her.  Woo her, just like you’d never met before.  And maybe, _just maybe_ , you’ll be lucky enough that she’ll fall in love with you.”

Matt stood as he was, leaning against the tree as Doc, hands plowed deeply into his pockets, turned and walked back towards his buggy.  Doc’s words had stung but they rang true to the beleaguered man.  He did love Kitty.  Of that, he was certain.  But thinking back on it, he realized their relationship had been based on his terms; his job had always taken precedence over everything. 

But as Doc had pointed out, that was before.  The Kitty that had agreed to those terms was not the same woman that was now back in Dodge.  Question was, would that Kitty agree to those terms and did he want her to any more?

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

Matt rode back into town late that evening.  He had spent a considerable amount of time out by the creek as well as riding around the countryside.  For the first time he had actually evaluated his life and Kitty’s part in it. 

That he loved her, he had no doubt.  That he wanted her and even needed her in his life there was also no doubt.  But what had been in doubt, and was no longer, was, could things return to how they had been.  Could he and Kitty regain what had been lost?  And did he want them to?”

The answers he had arrived at, finally after many miles of riding, were no and no and NO.  Yes, he wanted her in his life and yes, he would do what ever it took to obtain that.   But no he didn’t want it to return to the way it was.  He owed her more than that.  He owed her a lot more than that and she had earned and deserved a lot more.   And just as importantly, he owed himself more than that. 

Leaving his horse at Moss’, Matt made his way down the street to the jail.  It was empty and the door locked.  Festus, he remembered, was out at old man Parson’s place, helping the farmer out while he recovered from the ague.  Without entering, Matt left the jail and walked back towards the Long Branch.

He met Doc at the batwing doors.  “Hello, Doc, where ya headed?”  He glanced anxiously up the stairs.

Doc rubbed his mustache and with a slight grin.  “She’s fine.  I just came from checking on her.”

Matt looked curiously at him and then glanced inside.  “You sure?  Should she be left alone?   Maybe I ought to go get Ma Smalley to stay with her?”

Doc shook his head at the lawman’s worries. “She’s weak, tired and gonna need some care for a while, but she doesn’t need round the clock care from a physician or Ma Smalley.”

Matt ducked his head for a moment.  “You think it’d be alright if I go up and see her?”

Doc’s eye’s narrowed.  “Not if you’re gonna go up there and ask her to marry you.”

Matt shook his head, and pushed his hat back a bit from his forehead.  “No, Doc.  Not yet anyway.  I’ve thought a lot about what you said and you’re right.  If I want Kitty in my life, and I do, then I need to start fresh with her.  I figure the sooner I start, the better chance I have.”

Doc scrubbed his mustache and looked up at the big man next to him.  “It’s going to take a lot of patience and time and effort on your part.  You ready to do that?”

Matt quickly nodded his head.  “I am.”

“And you can’t go in there telling her about your lives together for the past sixteen years.  She won’t remember them and it’ll only serve to confuse her.  If she asks you questions, answer them, otherwise concentrate on making new memories with her, Matt.  Don’t rely on the past.”

Matt took another look inside and then nodded with a deep breath.  “See ya later, Doc.”  Swiftly he made his way into the Long Branch.  He didn’t even pause at the door as he pushed through the doors.  Sam was behind the bar and several of Kitty’s girls were working the busy floor.  Giving a nod to the smiling barman, Matt headed over and quickly climbed the stairs.  He paid no notice to the many heads that turned to watch his progress.  He no longer cared.

Pausing only for a moment outside her door, he raised a hand and knocked.

For several moments, no reply was forthcoming.  He had just raised his hand to knock again, when Kitty opened the door. 

Upon seeing Matt there, she smiled, a slight blush gracing her cheeks.  “Marshal Dillon.” She wasn’t sure what else to say.  Something about the way the man looked at her made her….

“Kitty,” Matt tugged off his hat.  “I… I just got back into town and wanted to stop by.  Doc told me you were doing a little better.”

Kitty nodded, then realizing they were standing at her door, her in a nightgown, with a whole barroom full of cowboys just below, she stepped back.  “Please come in, Marshal.” She held the door for him and closed it softly behind him, once he’d entered.  “It was nice of you to check on me.  But it really wasn’t necessary.  I’m fine.  Or at least as fine as I can be and not know anything.”

Matt looked around at the achingly familiar room that he hadn’t stepped foot in for the last 3 months.  He missed it.  He missed Kitty and silently he was praying he didn’t mess up this chance to have her back.  Finally turning back to her, his heart stilled as he took in the beautiful yet frail woman before him.  “I uh… didn’t just come up here to check on you.” He said.  “I… I wanted to know if you’d like to go to dinner with me.  Maybe tomorrow? 

“Well… I… I don’t know.” She turned away.  There was something about this man that intrigued her but she couldn’t quite figure out what?  “I’m not sure what I’ll feel like tomorrow.  I still haven’t gotten my strength back.”  She added lamely.

Matt wasn’t about to give up just yet though.  “Well, what about if I bring dinner over here?  I can have Delmonico’s fix up a couple of their specials and I can bring it over here.  If you’d feel more comfortable, I can even invite Doc.”

Kitty thought about it for a moment before raising her eyes to his and nodding with a soft smile.  “Alright.  That sounds nice.”

“Good then.”  Matt grinned like a kid with a new toy.  “How about six?”

Kitty nodded again.  “That would be fine.”

For just a moment, Matt forgot the reality of the situation and reached for her.  But the questioning look on her face stopped him in his tracks.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said as he beat a hasty retreat from her room.

For several long minutes, Kitty stood as she was, staring at the now closed door.  The question of whether he was “The Someone” Doc had told her about, had now been answered in her mind.  But now an even bigger one loomed.  Would he still be “The Someone?”

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

As with a gunslinger, Matt had beaten the sun to the draw. He was up and dressed by the time the first orange streaks appeared in the eastern sky. He had assigned himself a number of tasks this day to be completed and done by five pm at which time he would quit whatever he was into and get himself ready for his date with Kitty.

Smiling to himself, he thought of that. Though he and Kitty Russell had been together for 15 years this would their first date in many ways. The woman that he knew, had ridden out of town three months prior and disappeared. The woman that came back was someone unknown to anyone, including herself. He didn’t know if he’d ever get his Kitty back.

By noon, Matt had completed quite a few of his self-assigned tasks and was on his way over to the Delmonico’s for lunch when he ran into Doc. “Matt, just the person I was looking for.” Doc told him, his tone and expression told Matt even more. “Can you come with me to my office? I need to talk to you.”

“Well, I was just going in here to get something to eat.” Matt said. “Why don’t you join me?”

“Uh, no,” Doc hedged. “He had lost his appetite and he was certain he would ruin’s Matt as well if he told him before he ate. “I’m not really hungry, Matt. Tell you what? Why don’t just come on over there after you eat and we can talk then.”

Matt wasn’t so easily fooled. “What’s wrong with Kitty?” He got straight to the point.

Doc couldn’t quite meet his stare. “You… you just come on over to my office, when you’re done.” He said as he turned towards his office.

Matt took a glance at the café and decided he wasn’t as hungry as the thought. He followed Doc upstairs.

Doc wasn’t surprised to see Matt behind him when he reached his office, though he was sorry for it. But Matt needed to know what he had to tell him. “Well, since you won’t eat, care for a cup of coffee?” Doc asked he took off his hat and coat and hung them on his coat tree.

“I want to know what’s going on, Doc.” Matt’s tone was a little impatient.

Doc didn’t answer for several minutes as he added more wood to his stove and put the coffee pot on top to heat the cold liquid in it. Finally with downcast eyes, he turned back towards Matt, digging his hands into his pants pockets. “I told her this morning, she was pregnant, Matt.” He stated bluntly. “She was up, nauseous and sick. Sam came and got me. She’s kinda upset right now.”

Matt took his hat off and sat down heavily on Doc’s examining table. He said nothing, knowing not what to say.

“I should’ve told her when she first came to, up here.” Doc said regretfully. “But she was already so sick and confused…” He scrubbed his mustache agitatedly as he sought his own seat next to his desk. “I was also kinda hopin’ this memory loss of hers would be temporary and it would be one less thing she’d have to deal with. But I’m beginning to think otherwise now.”

“What do you mean?” Matt looked up sharply.

“I got a reply to my wire this morning. You know, the one I sent to my friend, Dr. Belgrave, in Baltimore. He did some research for me and checked with some other doctors there that have seen this kinda thing before. I also did a lot of reading on my own. The conclusions aren’t promising, Matt.” Doc raised sorrowful eyes to his friend before continuing. “You see, Kitty not only suffered a physical trauma to her head and her body but an emotional one as well.”

“And?” Matt pressed.

“From what I gather,” Doc continued. “The trauma Kitty suffered to her head caused a swelling which is pressing down on the part of her brain that affects her memory. Remember the memory loss you suffered a few years back?”

Matt nodded. He did indeed. “I remember it, Doc. But I didn’t lose all of my memory. I still remembered my job and such and over time my memory came back fully. Why wouldn’t it be that way for Kitty?”

“The usual theory is that once that swelling goes down, the memory returns, like it did with you.” Doc explained as he got up and poured himself a cup of the now reheated coffee. “Want some?”

Matt shook his head.

“But in Kitty’s case, there’s complications.” Doc grimaced as he took a sip of the acrid brew in his mug. “Not only was her head trauma more severe than yours, but there’s other things as well.”

“What other things?” Matt’s tone indicated he didn’t like the sound of that at all.

Doc took a deep breath and scrubbed his face yet again. “She was hurt, Matt. You know that. She was hurt bad. The injuries she suffered….” He paused thinking sadly about it. “Well, they had to of caused her tremendous emotional pain as well as physical pain. From all the information I’ve gathered, there’s a possibility she doesn’t want to remember anything for fear of….”

Matt’s look was one of confusion and consternation. “That makes no sense what so ever, Doc.” He cut in. “Kitty’s home now, she’s safe. Whatever happened to her, won’t happen again. I’ll make sure of that. She’s safe.”

“That’s not what I mean, Matt!” Doc’s voice rose in frustration. “I don’t mean… I… The mind is a delicate thing. It’s…” He stopped, he knew he was making no sense to the confused man before him and he needed Matt to fully understand. Taking another breath, he rose from his chair and crossed his arms against his chest, trying to figure out how to say it so Matt would fully understand.

Finally he stopped and looked squarely at the lawman. “You know how hard it is for you to think about, and remember, some of the horrible things that you’ve seen or done, or was done to Kitty?”

Matt looked down and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well, that’s sorta of the way it is with Kitty. Only, where as you chose not to remember, she didn’t. Her mind sorta just took over for her as a defense, a way of protecting her. From what Dr. Belgrave says, this kinda thing is rare but he did find a few instances of it. In one case, a man who was injured during the war, lost total memory of his life before he was wounded. He never did regain his memory. From everything they could find out, it was because he had seen so many horrible things and been forced to do horrible things. His mind was protecting him, keeping him from remembering things that would give him misery. Dr. Belgrave mentioned several other cases as well but they’re all along the same lines. It’s not that Kitty doesn’t consciously want to remember, it’s just that her mind won’t let her.”

Matt sat back and considered what Doc had just told him and it made sense, sort of. “Well, why didn’t that happen to me?” He asked. “When I lost my memory that time, I mean? I’ve seen some pretty horrible things too, Doc.”

“Yes, but you didn’t see those things and undergo those things at the same time as your head injury. Kitty did.” Doc answered.

Looking over at Matt, he could tell the facts were sinking in. “Matt, unless Kitty remembers what happened to her, we may never know what all she suffered.” He sighed. “When I told her she was pregnant, she took it quietly but I could tell she’s scared. She’s facing having a child by a man she doesn’t remember under circumstance she may never know. She needs us, Matt. All of us that love her, she needs us.”

Matt nodded as he stood up and placed his hat on his head and turned for the door. “I can only speak for myself, Doc.” He said as he opened the door. “But she has me. From now on she has all of me.”

Doc tugged at his ear as he watched him walk. “That is, if she wants you.” He muttered

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

Doc had been right about Dillon’s appetite. It had disappeared entirely, replaced by a gnawing uncertainty of the words he’d spoken to the aged physician. Though he meant what he said about giving himself to the woman that held his heart, he was not as certain she would take him.

Though not given to self-evaluations of his looks or manner, he realized now that he was no longer the dashing young Marshal that had so easily captured the heart of the beautiful young saloon girl. He was a mature man in his forties who no longer had the easy gait and grace of his youth. His job had done that for him.

Kitty, of course, was older as well, but the years had only served to accentuate her looks and with each passing year, she had simply grown more beautiful and graceful.

“Dillon, you’re a fool.” He told himself as he descended Doc’s stairs and walked down the street to the jail building. “If you’d a married her, years ago, like you should’ve, you wouldn’t be worrying so much now.”

“Ya say sumthin’, Matthew?” Festus came up on him just he reached the small brick building that housed the jail, his office and dismally, he thought, his home.

Startled out of his thoughts, Matt turned and scowled at his sometime deputy. “No.” He said as he entered the jail and threw his hat on the peg by the door. “What are you doing here? I thought you were helping out at Mr. Parsons.”

“I got done. Jes got back.” He replied simply. “Figured I’d seed if maybe you needed some deputying did or something.”

Matt thought about that for a second. “Actually, Festus, I do. As a matter of fact I may need a lot of deputying, for a while at least.”

“Oh?” The hill man’s ears perked up. “You got ya some plans, do ya?” He squinted knowingly at his friend.

“Yeah, I do.” Matt replied as he determinedly rose from his chair and headed back to the door. “I’m going to be busy for a while, Festus. Keep an eye on the office for me, if you will.”

“Shore, Matthew. Where’re ya going?”

“I have some things to do.” He answered as he left. “Some important things.”

“Huh?” Festus asked but the only reply he received was the closing door.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

Kitty sat forlornly on the settee in a room surrounded by things that belonged to a woman she didn’t know, a woman that was supposed to be her. She had looked at the clothes in the wardrobe, as well as the drawers, and felt almost like an intruder into someone else’s world. She recognized nothing but her own feelings of helplessness and fear.

When she had awoken once again, sick at her stomach, head pounding, she assumed it was all a part of whatever injury she had sustained and at first wasn’t concerned. But when it continued, she had finally sent the nice man downstairs, Sam, to get the doctor. She hoped he would be able to give some more of his medicine that would take the pain and nausea away. He had given her way more than that.

Doctor Adams had told her everything today, or most of it at least. Now she knew not only her name and her age but her profession as well. She knew how long she had been in Dodge and that she had been born in New Orleans and had owned the saloon for sixteen years and who her friends in Dodge were. She knew she was single and had never married.

She also knew she was pregnant. That last bit of knowledge was the hardest. The doctor had been kind when he told her and had made it clear that she wouldn’t be facing this alone but he hadn’t been able to enlighten her as to who the father may be. And that was harder still.

He told her, she had taken a ride three months prior and had promptly disappeared, not to be heard from again, until she was found lying senseless out on the prairie. No one knew where she had been, or who she had been with.

When she had once again asked about the big man called Matt Dillon, he had shied away from telling her anything specific, saying only that she and he were ‘close’ friends. Close. She already knew, or thought she did anyway, that he was that _special someone_ in her former life. But how special? Was he special enough to father her child? Or when she left town, did she go to someone else?

The doctor had assured her that although she owned a saloon, she had not been a madam and had neither entertained men in her rooms or allowed her girls to do so. But that didn’t necessarily mean that she had been celibate. Rubbing her stomach, she knew she hadn’t. But who she had been with, and whether it was by choice or not, was still a mystery.

Laying her head against the back of the couch, she closed her eyes, her mind in a jumble. She had no idea what to do. She did not remember who she was or anyone or anything around her. And the doctor had been less then optimistic of her chances in regaining that information.

She supposed she should be grateful that she had been found and brought back to the one place where she was known and where there were people who seemed to care for her. But right then she felt utterly and completely alone.

The nausea and headache had finally eased and though she was still not feeling her best she refused to just sit there and feel sorry for herself. Forcing herself to her feet, she determinedly made her way to the wardrobe and flung the door open. She decided she would at least get dressed and go downstairs to see the business she was told she owned.

Forty five minutes later, she studied herself in the mirror. The simple red skirt and white blouse she had chosen, though nothing elaborate was nice and decent if a little large for her now tiny figure. Once again rubbing her stomach, she realized that wouldn’t be for too much longer.

Her makeup was light, just enough to cover the bruise on her cheek and forehead and the dark circles under eyes. And she had simply brushed her hair back behind her and caught it up into a ponytail. She had no idea how she used to wear her hair and makeup but she decided she was fine with how she looked now.

Taking one last cursory glance she finally turned and left the room to try and see if she could, if not regain her former life, at least start a new one.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

Standing at the top of the staircase, Kitty studied the area below and its occupants. The room was large, open and tastefully decorated, she was happy to note. The long bar on the far wall was well polished as were the floors and she could tell the place had been very well taken care of.

The man behind the bar, Sam, was polishing glasses while talking with a customer and keeping an eye on the other customers. There were two girls, making their way around the room, stopping to chat or fill a drink and though fairly early in the afternoon, there were quite a few people there.

The patrons of the bar seemed to be a mixed lot. Though there were quite a few cowboys, she also saw men in business suits and men who looked like, she supposed, farmers. None of them seemed rowdy and though there were a couple of card games going on, she saw nothing alarming in anyone’s behavior. Owning a bar might not be so bad after all, she thought to herself.

After standing there for a while, she finally decided it was time to go down. Plucking up her courage, for it was taking courage to walk into such an unknown situation, and taking a deep breath; she slightly pulled up her long skirt and made her way down the stairs. Suddenly there was a hush over the room as one by one the customer and employee alike looked up to the woman who coming down the stairs towards them.

A clap was heard from one of the men near the bar, followed quickly by another and another until the entire room erupted in clapping, cheers and whistles for the woman no one ever expected to see again and were ecstatic to have back.

Kitty hesitated at the bottom of the stairs hanging on tightly to the railing. The applause and attention of so many strangers overwhelmed her. Her confidence swiftly disappeared, to be replaced light headedness. She suddenly felt warm and was uncertain as to whether she could cross the room or go back up that long flight of stairs. Gripping the railing her legs began to buckle and she started to sag towards the floor.

Suddenly, an arm was wrapped around her waist and a deep voice sounded in her ear. “You just hang on to me,” Matt told her. I won’t let you fall.”

Kitty looked up into the sky blue eyes of the man who held her and smiled gratefully. “I just got a little swimmy-headed.” She said, wondering where that term came from.

Matt grinned at the term and all but picked her up, as he helped her to a nearby table. The noise in the room subsided with the big man’s appearance and most of the people returned to their drinks and their cards but most eyes remained on the beautiful woman.

“Here, sit down.” He told her as he pulled out a chair and helped her into it. “I’ll send Sam for Doc.”

“I’m on my way, Marshal.” Sam called over his shoulder as he left the saloon.

“There’s no need for that.” Kitty protested. “Honestly. I… I was just a little dizzy. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re as white as a ghost.” Matt frowned. “What were you doing down here? You should be upstairs resting.”

Kitty looked up at the concern on his face and ruefully shook her head. “I tried but I just couldn’t. The room was closing in on me a little. I just thought I’d make myself familiar with this place. But I guess I overestimated my strength. I appreciate your help, Marshal, but…”

“Matt,” he said. “My name is Matt and you are welcome. It’s all part of my job.”

Kitty arched a slender brow. “Rescuing wayward Saloon owners from their own folly is part of your job?”

Matt shook his head, a slight blush gracing his cheeks. “That’s not quite what I meant…” He dropped his head not quite sure how to explain what he meant and was grateful when Doc chose that moment to arrive.

“Kitty?” He hurried to her side, placing his bag on the table and taking her hand. “What are you doing down here? I thought I told you to lay down and get some sleep.”

Inexplicably, to her at least, Kitty’s temper flared at being scolded by the older man and she jerked her hand from his. “I don’t need any more sleep, Doctor Adams.” She said firmly and a little loudly. “From what you’ve told me, I own this place and I thought it was about time I took my place in it! Who are you to tell me what to do?”

Doc took a step back, pulling on his earlobe. He had to remind himself, that the woman before him wasn’t the same as before. She wouldn’t understand his parental concern now as she did before. “Well, I’m… I’m sorry.” He apologized. “I didn’t mean… Well, I just think it’s too soon for you to be up and running around. As your doctor, I’m concerned about your health.”

Hearing the conciliatory tone to the physician’s voice, Kitty was a bit ashamed of her outburst. Dropping her head, she sighed deeply before raising regretful blue eyes to the older man before her. “I’m sorry, Doctor Adams. I don’t know why I snapped at you. I… I…”

“’You’re just still tired out.” Doc supplied. I understand. But you do need to go back up stairs and let me check you over. Matt? You think you could help a lady out?”

Matt grinned. “Just waiting for the chance.” He said as he reached down and picked her up, carrying her swiftly towards the stairs.

“Marshal, I think I can walk.” Kitty’s tone was more one of amusement than protest.

“Maybe so,” Matt said. “But why, when I’m more than willing and able to carry you.”

Kitty had no real answer to that as she relaxed in his strong arms and realized she was enjoying it.

All too soon, for Kitty and Matt both, he reached her room and carried her in, laying her gently on the bed. Pulling back, he had to turn his head for a moment to keep the memories, of their many nights in that bed, at bay. It simply hurt too much.

‘I appreciate your help, Marshal.” Kitty said softly. “I guess I’ll have to wait a while before I take the grand tour, huh?”

Matt forced a cheerful smile to his lips and turned back to her. “Yeah, you will. But when you do, promise me you’ll let me go with you.”

“You?” Kitty asked. “You know something about this saloon?”

Matt shook his head, his smile genuine now. “Nope. Not really. But I want to be there just in case you need another lift.”

Kitty gave him a speculative look, uncertain as to whether he was teasing or not. She started to ask that very question but the stalwart Marshal of Dodge suddenly seemed to grow self-conscious and turned away as the doctor came in and told him to leave.

“Matt, I need to check on my patient, so if you don’t mind, go away. If Miss Russell has a mind to, you can come back later and visit with her.”

Matt turned his head back to Kitty with a hopeful look on his face. “Would you mind?” He asked. “I know I kinda railroaded you into agreeing to supper with me tonight but seein’ as how you don’t feel good, I won’t hold you to it. But I’d still like come back and check on you.”

Something about the tall man intrigued the red headed amnesia victim and she found herself nodding to his request. “Alright, Marshal. That would be fine.”

“Name’s Matt.” He grunted as he headed for the door. “See ya later, Kitty.”

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

Four weeks went by for the Marshal and the lady he wanted, but who didn’t know him. Four weeks of confusion and uncertainty for both of them.

Every day, that he was in town at least, Matt would make a sort of pilgrimage to the saloon and check in with Kitty. He never pressured her and was never forward but he tried in every way he could think of to let her know how much he cared about her. His efforts so far had garnered him a few smiles and a few suppers at Delmonico’s but little more.

Her demeanor around him was quiet and reserved and the bawdy laugh and mischievous twinkle to her azure eyes that always signaled a night of passion for him in her arms, was missing. Instead she greeted him with a sort of formality and deference one would give a friendly acquaintance.

But the determined man was not about to give up. He remembered the hellish existence he’d lived during the three months she was missing. His appetite had disappeared and his mood had soured. He had spent copious amounts of time scouring the countryside for any trace of her while trying valiantly to keep up a job that no longer meant as much to him as it once had. He couldn’t bear the thought of going back to that.

A life with Kitty Russell in it, even _this_ Kitty Russell, was all he wanted now and it was resolved in his mind that one way or another he would have her.

Due to Doc’s care and Sam’s vigilance, Kitty’s health had picked up and she had even managed to gain back a little weight, aside from the child she carried. She was still experiencing morning sickness and still tired easily. But the dizziness had gone and she had even begun to work downstairs in the barroom with Sam.

Her presence in the saloon, however, often put Sam in a difficult position. Though he was still her employee, he now had to take on the role of her trainer as she relearned the business of running a saloon. Fortunately her skills with bookkeeping, filling a glass with whiskey or a mug with beer as well as making people comfortable, hadn’t diminished.

But there was still a lot to the saloon business she had to learn anew. Such as dealing with crooked drummers and the occasional drunk who wasn’t satisfied with a drink alone and wanted refreshment of a different kind from the blue-eyed beauty. Sam kept a shotgun handy behind the bar for just those occasions and he made it clear to all that he wasn’t shy about using it.

The beleaguered red head wasn’t sure about anything. Since awakening in a strange room with unknown people surrounding her, she had been living in a world filled with the unfamiliar. From the people to her surroundings, each day brought new challenges and surprises. Some of them good some of them not so good.

The town of Dodge, though rough and rowdy at times, was fairly civilized. Though the number of saloons bested the number of churches, it was never the less a decent town. The people, for the most part were friendly and kind and few problems had arisen in her now four week’s tenure.

She had heard mention made of a man named Will Mannon, who had come to town a couple years prior and wreaked havoc in the town. And a few other names were mentioned that apparently caused problems in the past as well. But those people were dead now, or in prison, and meant nothing to her.

From her review of the Long Branch’s books, as well as bank account, she could tell the saloon was doing well. And from comments made by many, this was apparently the best saloon in Dodge City, some said the entire state of Kansas. Apparently her whiskey and beer were of a much higher quality than that served by other less reputable places. She wouldn’t know however, because just the smell of those products made her extremely nauseous.

From her now frequent visits to the town’s most prominent café, she had discovered several food items that affected her in the same way. Items like catfish stew as well as something they called prairie chicken. Other items, such as their steak was usually more to her liking though there had been a couple of times, she swore she had received the hide of the cow rather than its meat. But with patience and a lot of sampling she had discovered several items on the menu that delighted her and were quite good.

Aside from the food, she also found delight in some of the town folks. Most notably, the scruffy, amusing hill man who doubled as a deputy or a stableman as the need arose and the reserved, quiet young man from Philadelphia called Newly.

The bartender, Sam, was the kindest, sweetest soul and she had no doubts of his allegiance to her. The old physician, who insisted she call him Doc, was ever vigilant in not only matters of her health but of her happiness as well. She knew nothing of father daughter relationships; but she assumed her relationship with him must’ve been what it was like.

Her relationship with the Dodge City Marshal was an entirely different matter all together.

From careful questioning and listening to people, such as the talkative and prying Mr. Burke, she had garnered that she and the Marshal had been rumored to be more than ‘just friends’ for years, much more. And though nothing was said to her directly, her keen hearing had picked up several comments from some of her patrons calling her the “Marshal’s woman” and questioning her status now.

She questioned that as well. There were times he would joke or tease, acting as though she remembered the friendship that he did and then there were times he was aloof and quiet offering her little more than his standard “See ya later” when he would go rushing out after some bad guy or other. She could never tell for certain how he felt about her.

Still, instinctively she felt she could trust him and knew he would do his ultimate to protect her. But she wondered if that was because of a real connection to the big man or simply due to his status as the honest and upright guardian of law and order.

She wasn’t far from finding out.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

Matt woke stiff and sore from once again sleeping on a lumpy jailhouse cot, a far cry from the big brass bed, he used to occupy when in town. But, he reminded himself, for now that was the way it was. He knew he could go over to the Dodge House and get a room or even over to Ma Smalley’s but he chose not to spend the money. He had a better use for that.

He had been thinking quite a bit about it, as a matter of fact, and he decided it was time to stop playing around. If he wanted Kitty, and he knew he surely did, than it was time he did something about it. But he couldn’t rely on their shared past. Kitty no longer remembered that. And he couldn’t count on his looks or his authority as Marshal. No, in order to win her hand, he was going to have to start all over again and pray he could do it.

Quickly as he could, he redressed himself in yesterday’s clothes and rummaged around until he found a clean shirt, pants and his courting jacket. He had plans for those items later. He had just pulled his boots on when Fetus came in the door, making some sort of noise that could be described as something between a chicken cackle and a train whistle.

“Festus, do you have to make that noise this early in the morning?” Matt asked as the hill man came and headed for the coffee pot.

“”What noise, Matthew?” Festus asked shaking the empty pot dispiritedly.

“That noise,” Matt insisted. “Can’t tell if you’re singing or arguing with yourself.”

The insult went right over the deputy’s head as he set about making his favorite morning brew. “I was singin’, Matthew. It’s a right pretty day already and I’m kinda happy to see it.”

Matt took a glance out of the window as he donned his gun belt and saw it did indeed look nice as the sun rose brilliantly in the east. “Well, I’m glad to hear that, cause I’ve got some plans for today. I don’t think I’ll be back till this evening. Think you can keep an eye on things around here?”

“Well, sure, but where ya going?” Festus noted the change of clothes in the marshal’s arms.

“I’m going to get myself cleaned up and then see if I can reclaim something I lost.” Matt replied as he donned his hat and left.

“Or somebody.” Festus muttered sagely as the door closed.

Taking long strides and avoiding as many of the town’s early risers as he could, Matt hurried down to the tonsorial parlor, getting there just as Mr. Teeter opened the door for business.

“Good morning, Marshal.” The barber greeted the lawman somewhat taken aback at his early appearance. “Need a haircut, do you?”

Matt nodded. “I sure do, Mr. Teeter. I need a bath and a shave too.”

“Oh, well, certainly.” The barber smiled, pleased with the early morning business. “Tell ya what, Marshal. You sit right down here and I’ll get the boy started on heating your bath water, while I cut your hair and give you a shave.”

Matt nodded happily and took his place in the chair. Step one of his day’s plans was underway.

An hour later, Matt stepped out of the parlor, looking like he was going to a party. Though it was still early the street’s traffic had picked up and Matt knew it wouldn’t be long until the town would be busy. He hoped to be away by that time.

Hurrying down to Delmonico’s, he had them make him a picnic basket full of several very specific items and asked them to have it ready in an hour. Though Joe gave him an odd look, he silently went about his job as usual and sat about filling the marshal’s order.

Matt’s next stop was at Mr. Jonas’ store. He had spotted something there, in one of the display cases that he needed, to make this day special. Or at least he hoped so.

Pocketing his purchase, he made a stop outside Mrs. Applegate’s house and appropriated some of her finest roses. He then headed to the stable where he secured the best buggy Hank had available for rent, and the promise that it would be delivered to the front of the Long Branch.

His last destination was the saloon. Though it was still yet early, the doors were already open and Sam had swept the boardwalk and was behind the bar, getting set for the day.

Stepping inside the saloon, the well-dressed Marshal merely nodded at the bar tender as he headed for the stair case. Sam said nothing but the smile on his face showed his approval.

Once outside of her room, Matt paused, straightened his coat, raked a hand through his hair and softly knocked on the door.

Kitty, who had just gotten up, was startled by the knock. Other than Sam and occasionally Doc, coming to check on her, she seldom had visitors to her room. “Just a moment.” She called. Donning the beige lace robe she had found in the wardrobe, she went to the door and opened it, to find Matt with flowers in his outstretched hand and a smile on his handsome face.

“Miss Russell,” he said formally as he handed her the flowers and bowed at the waist. ‘I am here this morning to invite you to a picnic.”

Kitty stood stock still for several moments, shocked at his visit and his manner. “Um…. Uh… Oh, I’m sorry,” she mumbled as she opened the door wider to allow him entrance. “Please come in, Matt. I apologize for my appearance but I just got up a little bit ago.”

“That’s alright,” he smiled. “I know I’m early, but I wanted to get here and place myself first in line for your attentions today.”

Placing the flowers in a vase she hesitated a moment before addressing his invitation. Finally, curiously she looked up at him. “My attentions?” A slender brow shot up.

Matt nodded. “Yeah… I mean, yes, Ma’am.”

Kitty studied him for several moments unsure of why he was being so formal with her. Finally she shrugged. “Alright, I give up. Why are you acting like this? You have called me Kitty and acted like we’ve known each other for years ever since I woke up in Doc’s office four weeks ago and now today, you are acting like we just met.”

Matt dropped his head for a moment, before taking a deep breath and raising his eyes to hers. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.” He told her. “I realized something. I’ve known the Kitty Russell of four months ago for years, but you aren’t the same person. You are, for all intents and purposes, new in town and I should treat you like that. And if I want to have you in my life, as you once were, then I need to start again with you. All I am asking is the chance to do that.” When Kitty didn’t answer, he reached for her hand. “What I am asking, Miss Russell, is permission to court you.”

Kitty pulled her hand away and crossed her arms against her middle, then turned away from him, thinking about what he had said. Finally she turned around and gave him a tentative smile. “I think I might like that, Marshall Dillon. How about you pick me up in an hour?”

Matt grinned. “I shall be waiting, Miss Russell.”

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

The day was clear and the weather warm. The picnic basket was packed with just about every thing that Kitty liked. Sitting across from Matt on the blanket he had brought, Kitty sighed in contentment as she sat back and looked around her. “This sure is a pretty place.” She commented. “It’s so peaceful.”

Matt nodded, “Yeah it is. I’ve come here many times when I needed to get away.”

Kitty watched his face and saw what she thought was sadness as it as washed over him. “Did you and I come here?” She asked.

Matt looked up with a melancholy smile. “Yeah, we did. Not too often though. Not nearly often enough. My job usually prevented that from happening.”

“Well, surely it wasn’t all your job’s fault.” She sought to ease the sorrow she saw reflected in his gaze. “My job must’ve interfered as well.”

Matt shrugged ruefully. “A little, but nearly as much as mine. My job has interfered with just about everything.”

Kitty looked a little puzzled. “You almost sound bitter about that, Matt. I thought you liked your job.”

Matt dropped his head and his voice as he absently picked at a leaf that had fallen from one of the overhead trees. “I do like my job, Kitty. But I don’t like what it’s taken from me. What it’s made me do.” Slowly his head came up and he locked eyes with her. “And I don’t like what it did to you. Above all I don’t like that.”

Kitty was almost afraid to ask but she felt compelled to know. “And what exactly did it do to me?”

Matt’s head went back down and he swallowed hard. “Too much.”

Kitty sensed there was major story behind those two words but wasn’t sure she wanted to know what it was. Instead she changed the subject. “I saw you packed a couple of fishing poles in the back of that buggy, Marshal. Did you plan on us using them, or were they just there for effect?”

Matt recognized the ploy and gratefully grinned as he got to his feet. “Nope, I thought I’d see if you remembered how.”

Kitty returned the grin. “Well, why don’t you get the poles and let’s see?”

Two hours later, Matt grinned over at the beautiful woman next to him. “Well, that’s one thing you didn’t forget.” He said, pulling up the line of 5 large catfish, cooling in the water. “You can still out-fish me.”

Kitty smiled back at him happily. “Still?” She arched a brow. “Then I was a good at fishing… I mean… before?”

Matt nodded. “You were good at just about anything you set your mind to. You could fish, play cards, cook, nurse. Doc said he’d never seen a better nurse than you.”

Kitty’s smile softened. “Is that all I was good at?”

Matt stopped and regarded her somberly for a moment. “No. No you were also good at understanding me. You knew how I felt and what I was thinking just by watching me. And you were always good at…” He took a deep breath and looked away. Several long moments passed by before he shook his head and started to rise. “Well, I guess we’d better head back to town.”

Kitty reached over and grabbed his arm, preventing him from getting up. “Did I love you?” She asked. “I mean, really, really love you?”

Matt turned and met her stare. “Yes.” He answered simply. “More than I deserved.”

“Do you still want me to love you?” She asked.

Matt nodded. “More than anything. Though I still don’t think I deserve it. And I can’t promise you that your life would be a bed of roses with me in it. The past has…” He stopped, realizing she didn’t remember the past. “Things weren’t always so good for you in the past, I mean, with you being connected to me.”

Kitty’s brow furrowed. “Surely you didn’t…”

Matt shook his head. “No. Well not physically. I would’ve never… I could’ve never hurt you like that. But there were times that others did. Others that wanted to get to me by hurting you. And there were times that I said things or didn’t say them, more correctly, that hurt you just as much. I… I just…”

A look of intense pain crossed the big man’s face and Kitty’s heart went out to him in sympathy for what he must be feeling. “Well, it obviously didn’t change my mind about you, did it? I mean from what I’ve been told, until I disappeared, I was still here. I had to have been able to overlook all that in order to stay.”

Matt almost grinned, remembering her trip to Ballard and the time he missed the Ford County Sociable and left for Topeka. “Well, yeah, for the most part.” He decided not to talk about those things right then. “But you shouldn’t have had to. You should’ve never had to endure…”

“Matt,” Kitty’s hand progressed down to his. “Whatever it was that I endured, I apparently thought it was worth it. Now I can’t honestly tell you that I would do the same today, because I really don’t know. But I do know, I’m willing to try. That is if you do really want me to.”

Matt gave her a curious frown. “I just told you I did.”

“I know,” she looked down. “But, well… I mean, well… I’m not exactly a young girl and I am pregnant with…” She stopped and collected her thoughts. “I don’t who the father of this child is, Matt. I don’t know… you don’t know, if I just took off or was taken or…”

Matt clasped her hand even tighter and pulled her to him, planting a soft kiss on her lips. “I know that that you would’ve never just taken off. I know you are the most beautiful woman I ever saw. And I know that baby is mine.” He said when their lips parted. “Don’t ever doubt those statements. Okay?” When she finally nodded, he pulled her back into a kiss only this time the softness was replaced by passion.

When he finally released her, he saw tears in her eyes. “Kitty… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to make you cry. I…”

“No, Matt.” Kitty wiped at the tears with the back of her hand. “It’s just… Oh, Lord.” She looked out at the water, avoiding his gaze and trying to think of the right words. “Since I came to in Doc’s office, I have been numb. I guess you could say that I’ve kinda been a little… I don’t know, cold or distant. It wasn’t that I wanted to be rude but I just… I couldn’t….”

She looked back at him and for the first time, Matt could see just a spark of the old Kitty. The Kitty that had loved him beyond reason. The Kitty he loved beyond all reason.

“When you kissed me just now,” she continued. “I actually felt something, Matt. I’m not sure I can call it love just yet but it was there and it was real. When I was up in Doc’s office, after I first woke up, I found his bible opened on the bedside table. It was opened to the book of Ecclesiastes chapter three. That chapter talked about there being a time for everything.”

Matt nodded. “A time for every purpose under the heaven.” He quoted.

“That’s it.” Kitty returned the nod. “Anyway I’ve been thinking about that. Maybe this is our time, Matt. One of the lines was, ‘ _A time to keep and a time to cast away.’_ From everything I’ve learned in the last few weeks, it sounds like there was a lot of time already cast away. Maybe it’s time for us to keep some. I don’t know anything of before and I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. But this could be a chance for the both of us to start all over again. A second chance sort of. That is if you want it.”

Matt sat staring at her for several moments. Words were never easy for the laconic lawman and right then they were harder than ever. Finally he pulled her back to him briefly and pasted a chaste kiss on her forehead. “I want that very much.” He smiled as he released her and got to his feet. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

Two more weeks passed and Dodge began to hustle with the first herd in for the year. Matt had performed his yearly task of riding out and speaking to the trail boss, in this case Dolph Quince, and laying out the town rules. Dolph had been to Dodge before and he and Matt were old friends. He assured the Kansas lawman that his men would behave. Or at least as much as any Texas trail hand could at the end of a long cattle drive in a place like Dodge.

Kitty continued to master the running of the Long Branch and by the time the first cowboys showed up in town, she was certain she could handle whatever came her way.

Sam wasn’t so sure. She now had a certain timidity about her, a certain bashfulness that had never been a part of her character before. Sam worried that some of the rougher men would pick up on that and try to take advantage of it.

He had suggested, carefully, that perhaps she should limit her time in the barroom and stay behind the bar when she was there, in order to limit her exposure to that danger as well for her health. The smell of whiskey and beer still had the power, at times, to make her extremely nauseous and standing on her feet for hours couldn’t be good for her.

Reluctantly, she agreed. She was anxious to do this on her own and prove that, memory or not, she could take care of herself. But she realized the folly of trying to prove that in a room full of drunken men who hadn’t seen a woman or been in civilized society for a long time. She promised Sam she would limit her time to no more than two hours in the saloon and no time out from behind the bar.

Sam was extremely relieved, as was Doc and especially Matt. Of course, all three men would’ve preferred she not be there at all. But they realized she needed to do this for herself even more than her business. She needed to know she could regain at least a little of her former independence. And, though not admitted, they loved seeing once again that spark of determination and strength in her eyes.

Still all three men, with Festus and Newly included, were determined, they would be even more vigilant while the trail herds were in town and keep a special eye out for the still willful saloon owner.

The first night, after the cowboy’s arrival, proved to be busier than even the seasoned lawman and his deputies expected. Every saloon in town was packed and drunken men could be found staggering in clusters through the town, waving whiskey bottles and singing off key tunes that had kept them company on the drive.

The Long Branch, being the largest as well as the best saloon in town, was also the busiest. Kitty’s promise to limit her time and availability had quickly fallen to the wayside when her extra bartender had failed to show up and one of her girls, Julie, had fallen ill. Despite Sam’s protests, echoed by everyone else, she steadfastly refused to leave and retire to her rooms.

Festus, seeing that she would not leave, decided to take the protection of the stubborn red head to be his personal mission. Stationing himself inside the saloon he quite often, pushed too friendly patrons back and when a call would come for drinks out on the floor, he would deliver them himself rather than allow Kitty to do so.

“You know, Festus,” Kitty told him after he’d taken yet another tray of mugs out of her hand. “I am quite capable of delivering drinks to a table. It doesn’t take too high a skill level.”

“I know’d it, Miss Kitty.” Festus nodded. “But I ain’t a gonna let ya do it. Now you jes keep yerself there. I’ll be back directly.”

Kitty shook her head in amusement and affection for the scruffy deputy. In the six weeks she had been there, or at least that she remembered, he had proven to her to be a trusted friend and she was fond of him and grateful for him.

“Can I have a beer, sweetheart?” A tall dark haired man with a scar on his left cheek stood in front of her.

“Sure,” she replied as she drew the frothy beverage. “That’ll be 5 cents.” She said, reaching to place the mug on the bar in front of him.

Before she could pull her hand back though, he snaked out an arm and grabbed her hand. “I’ll give ya a whole more than that,” he leered at her, “when ya go upstairs with me.” He gave a slight nod to the upper floor.

Kitty jerked her hand from his and took a step back. “The only thing sold here, is liquor. You want anything else, then you need to go somewhere else.” She gave him a cold glare.

“Why you little tramp.” The man snarled as he took a step towards the end of the bar. “I don’t like being told no. I get what I want.”

Kitty’s glare increased. “Well, ya don’t’ get me.”

The man started to say something more when Sam stepped up beside her. “Is there a problem, Miss Kitty?” he gave the stranger a level stare of contempt.

The man looked at Kitty then over to Sam then shook his head. “Ain’t nothing wrong.” He muttered. Throwing a nickel on the bar, he grabbed his beer and headed to the other end.

Festus came hustling back, sensing something was wrong by Sam’s rigid stance and Kitty’s expression. “That there yahoo a botherin’ ya, Miss Kitty?”

Kitty shook her head. “No Festus, thank you. There’s no problem.”

“Maybe, you oughta take a break, Miss Kitty.” Sam suggested kindly. “It’s slowing down here. We can handle it.”

Kitty gave him a grateful smile. “I think I will, Sam. Thank you. I’ll be in my office for a while.”

“Alright.” Sam agreed.

“Ya need nothin’, Miss Kitty, ya jes let me know.” Festus told her.

Kitty nodded as she turned to her right and headed to her office.

At the other end of the bar, the stranger with the scar watched her retreat with a thoughtful look on his face.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

It had been a long day already and yet he still had a few hours to go before he could put up his mule and plow and return to his rundown shack to eat leftover beans and lay down for the night. In the morning he would rise and begin again. Life as a farmer on the prairie was a hard existence, no matter your circumstances, but life alone was completely miserable.

Reaching up, he fingered the scar that ran across his left cheek. Though the wound, that had caused it, had healed years ago, it was still painful to the tall man. Caused by a drunken brawl over a red haired saloon girl in Waco, Texas, it served as a daily, painful reminder that he would probably always be alone. No woman would look at him or want him with that disfigurement. All because of a red haired woman.

Sitting in the heat of the late afternoon prairie sun, he leaned back against the only tree for miles and took a deep drink from his canteen. In a few minutes he would rise again and go back to plowing. Hopefully he could finish the field before nightfall. Capping his canteen, he wiped the sweat from his forehead and prepared to rise when suddenly he noticed a flash of red in the distance.

Absently he laid the canteen to the side and gained his feet, watching as a woman approached leading a limping bay horse. A beautiful woman with red hair.

“Afternoon,” she greeted as she came closer.

“Afternoon,” he returned staring at her. The woman was not only beautiful but he noticed she looked him in the eye as she spoke, instead of staring past him or looking at the ground as most women did when confronted with his ugly visage. “I see your horse took lame.”

“Yeah, he threw a shoe.” She gently patted the horse’s neck. “I was hoping to find some ranch or someplace, out here, where I could get it fixed. I’d like to get home before it gets too much later.”

All the man could think of as she talked, was this was his chance. Perhaps his only chance to have something a long ago red headed saloon girl had stolen from him.

“Uh… Mister?”

“Huh?” He realized he only heard just a little of what she had said.

“I asked if you could help me. I have the shoe that my horse threw, I just need to get it tacked back on enough to get me home.”

“Uh… Oh, yeah. Sure. Sure kin. You foller me back to my place. It’s just over that ridge yonder. I can take care of ya proper.”

After quickly unhitching his mule from the plow, the man led the way back to his ramshackle hovel and worn out barn. “You just wait here a minute and I’ll get ya fixed up right.” He told her.

Nodding, she eyed the well in the front of the house. “Mind if I get a drink of water?” She asked him. “I’ve walked quite a distance.”

“Help ya self.” He told her, watching the sway of her hips and the way the late day sun highlighted her hair.

Handing the reins of her horse to him, she walked over to the well and let the bucket down into the well. Pulling it back up, she dropped the dipper into the bucket and brought it up to her lips.

She never tasted the water.

When she came to, she was bound head and foot and lying on a rickety cot inside the shack. The man was leaning against the wall, watching her intently, a sly grin on his deformed face. “Glad ya woke up.” His grin widened. “I hate being with a woman what don’t know it.”

The woman visibly shrank back, despite her bindings. “Wha… what do you mean?” Wildly she looked around the room, looking for any means of escape. At the moment there didn’t appear to be.

“I think you know.” He took a couple steps closer. “I got myself robbed years ago by a red haired gal, same as anyways. Took any chance I had of getting me a wife. You are going to fix that for me. You gonna be my wife.” He moved even closer.

The next morning was the beginning of three months of terror and pain for the red headed woman and a sense of triumph for the man. He now had what he thought he’d never have, a companion to share his lonely existence. Unwilling on her part, though it may have been. He had several scars to prove that point.

Too many times, she had tried to escape. Twice she had actually succeeded in getting out of the house while he slept, and if he hadn’t been such a light sleeper she might have gotten away completely. She hadn’t been happy when he caught up with her and even unhappier when he punished her for the attempts. But it didn’t seem to stop her from trying. And it didn’t stop him from making it even harder for her to get away.

Though she was a good cook and always prepared plenty of food for every meal, he allowed her precious little of it. She was a slim woman with an enticing figure. He intended for it to stay that way. Besides, he wanted her weak. Weak women couldn’t run very far. Or so he had thought.

Since he had no friends and didn’t live near any trail or road he didn’t have to worry about visitors. So he knew there would never be any help for her there. But still he took precautions.

During the day he kept her imprisoned in the shack with the doors locked and the windows boarded. She was expected to clean and cook and at night when he would return she had other duties to perform. “Wifely duties” he called them.

He seldom allowed her outside and when she was, it was only to gather firewood or a bucket of water or clean out the barn. At night, his horse and mule were quartered in the barn, and the door shut and locked. Her horse he had taken away and sold.

He supposed that was why he was so astounded, the morning he awoke to find her and his horse gone. He had thought he’d finally whipped and starved that ability out of her. Of course he shouldn’t have been totally surprised. He had, after all, allowed himself to get drunker than he had been in years. But still… after what he had done to her that night, or at least what he could remember of it, he didn’t think she’d had it in her. That was another surprise for him.

His first thought was to go after her and bring her back. But as she had taken his horse and his money he hadn’t been able to do that. His mule was barely good enough for plowing. He knew he’d not get far trying to ride it.

When he had finally managed to get another horse, he realized it could be too late to find her. She would never tell him where her home was and he had no idea where to begin looking. But look he did. When finally he found her, he was surprised that she didn’t seem to recognize him. He saw a defiance in her eyes that he hadn’t seen since the first few weeks after he’d taken her.

“Miss Kitty” the bartender had called her. He had never known her name. It was another one of the few things he’d not been able to get from her. Well, he knew it now and he knew where she was. And some way or another he knew he was going to take her back.

And he was going to make her pay for not only taking his horse and money but also for leaving him. For that alone he would make her pay severely.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

Kitty gratefully sank into her office chair. Her feet hurt and she was exhausted but she happy to be out of the barroom. The brief encounter with the scarred stranger had frightened her a little, though she wasn’t sure why. She had been working downstairs now, for three weeks and had already had several such encounters.

But this one felt different. It felt almost evil but familiar in some way. Shaking her head, she attributed it to her being pregnant. Doc had warned her that her emotions and moods would be affected by it and that little things could upset her easily. She assumed that was the case here.

Just then she heard a knock on her office door followed by Doc’s voice. “Kitty?”

“Come on in, Doc.” She answered glad to see the old man who had become so dear to her in the past weeks.

As the door opened, Doc shuffled in carrying his bag. “Festus came and got me. Said you weren’t feeling well.”

Kitty shook her head. “Oh, I’m fine, Doc. Honestly. Just got a little tired is all. It’s been really busy tonight.”

“Looks like it still is.” Doc agreed as he opened his bag and took out his stethoscope. “And you had no business being out there so long.”

“Don’t scold me, Doc.” Kitty said seriously. “I had two people out tonight. I had to work. Besides it didn’t do me any harm.”

Doc’s brow furrowed as he looked at her. “Didn’t do you any harm? Young Lady, your feet are swollen and your heart rate’s too fast. You’re pale and look about ready to collapse. I would say _that_ was harm.”

Kitty sighed and shook her head. “Alright, but I’m out of there now and I promise not to go back in tonight. Will that suit you?”

“No,” Doc tugged at his ear as he placed his stethoscope back into his bag. “But it would if you’d go on upstairs and lay down. Sam can handle whatever takes place out there.”

Kitty knew the physician was not going to leave her alone until she complied and in truth she was extremely tired. “Alright,” she nodded, wearily getting back to her feet. “Let me tell Sam...”

“Un huh.” Doc shook his head. “You just go on upstairs. I’ll tell Sam.”

In the last six weeks, Kitty had learned not to argue much with the town doctor. So, smiling wearily and without another word, she climbed the back staircase to her rooms above.

Doc watched her leave with a shake of his head and a scrub of his mustache. Memory or no, Kitty Russell was still a stubborn and determined woman. And he was glad for that. Those qualities had gotten her through some tough times. Turning, he grabbed his bag headed back into the bar room, only to run headlong into the Dodge City Marshal headed towards the office.

“Doc, she okay?” Matt’s voice was calm and controlled. His countenance was anxious. “Festus said she went to her office not feeling good.”

“Oh, she’s alright, Matt.” Doc answered with a sigh. “Hard headed along with exhausted but otherwise fine. I sent her to her rooms to get some rest.”

Matt relaxed a little but scanned the bar room as though he expected to see her lingering in the room.

“What are you looking for? Doc asked. “I told you, I sent her upstairs to her rooms.”

“I know.” Matt answered; an uneasy expression still on his face. “But…” He hesitated. Looking around him, he saw nothing out of the ordinary and nothing to arouse his suspicions, except the hair on the back of his neck, which was currently standing on end.

“But what?” Doc asked; himself taking a look around the room. “You see something?”

Matt shook his head. “No, I don’t but something just feels off. Not sure why. That’s why I hurried over here when Festus came for me.”

“Well, whatever it is, it’s not Kitty.” Doc answered, heading towards the bar. “She’ll be fine after she gets some sleep. How about a beer?”

Matt gave the physician a suspicious grin. “You buying?”

“Just one.” Doc replied sternly.

“Well, I can’t turn that down.” Matt replied.

Neither the physician nor the Marshal saw the tall man leave the saloon.

Silently he slipped through the shadows and made his way towards the back of the building. He had overheard the old doctor say she had gone upstairs. He wasn’t sure but figured there would be stairs in the back, as most places like this had. He knew with the noise of the still raucous saloon goers downstairs, he stood a good chance of finding and reclaiming her without anyone being the wiser, till he had already escaped with his trophy.

Locating the back stairs, he silently climbed to the top and tried the door. It was locked but it wasn’t much of a deterrent to the determined man. Slipping a small pocket knife in the lock he flicked it back and forth several times until the lock gave and the door opened. Stepping in quickly, he made his way noiselessly down the hall, till he located the only door with light spilling out from under it.

Kitty was disturbed from brushing her hair when a knock sounded at the door. “Yes?” she called. But no one answered.

“Who is it?” She called again.

“Sam,” a gravelly voice answered. He had remembered the name she’d called the bartender.

It didn’t really sound like Sam, but she could think of no one else who would come up there right then. “Just a minute,” she answered as she rose and went to the door.

It wasn’t Sam.

“Hello, sweetheart.” The man sneered as he pushed her back and came in the room. “Thought you could get away from me, did ya? You oughta know better.”

Kitty’s heart caught in her throat as she took a step backwards. “Who… who are you?” She asked, her pale face reflecting her fear. “What do you want?” As she asked the question though, a brief scene flooded her mind of this very man advancing on her in another room, at another time, a snarl on his lips.

“What’s a matter, red? Ya act like ya don’t want me?” In two strides he was beside her, pulling her unwillingly into his arms.

“NO!” She yelled as she struggled desperately to free herself from his grasp. “Let me go!” She cried, pummeling him ineffectively with her small fists.

Ignoring her flailing arms, he chuckled as he bent his head to hers and forced a kiss to her lips. Another flash of memory assailed her just then, a glimpse of another man with blond hair and a mustache. “Miss Kitty.” That man had said as he held her hands tightly and forced a kiss on her as this man was doing.

When his tight grasp lessened for just a moment, she managed to pull one hand free and scratched him down one cheek. “I said let me go.”

“Not likely.” He growled once again tightening his grasp. “You’re coming back with me. Back where you belong. I don’t let go of what’s mine.”

Kitty’s pulse raced and her struggles became even more frantic. Panic overtook her as yet another small picture of a farm house with boarded up windows entered her mind. And yet another glimpse of an old woman with blue eyes. “She’s a dead woman, right now!” The old crone had yelled through a window as two men held guns on her.

She didn’t know what these flashes had to do with this man but she knew she didn’t want to go anywhere with him. “NO!” she yelled kicking him in the shin. “You will not hurt me again.”

Releasing her in favor of grabbing for his leg, he cursed her and doubled his efforts to grab her. But she managed to avoid his hands as she kicked him yet again and then ran towards her fireplace. Grabbing the first thing she came to, she whirled around and struck him on the shoulder with a fireplace poker twice before he managed to grab it from her hands.

“You little…” He screamed as she pushed him back and raced for the doorway. But despite her assault on him, he managed to reach her just as her hand touched the knob. “I told ya...” He grunted. “You’re going with me.” He pulled her back against his chest squeezing her painfully.

Just then another flash came of a dark haired, mustachioed man pulling her to him. “I’m gonna take yer woman.” The man had grinned.

“NO!” She yelled again as she managed to get one arm free again and rammed it back sharply into his ribs. Though she had no way of knowing for certain, she thought she might have heard a rib crack. Jerking away from her, he pulled back his arm and backhanded her, kn0cking her to the floor. “That’s more like it,” he said as he bent down towards her. “You’re gonna pay now.”

“Leave her alone.” Matt demanded from the now open doorway. Despite Doc’s assurances of her wellbeing, he had felt compelled to come and check on her. He was now glad he had.

The man hesitated only for a moment, but it was enough for Kitty to kick him again and scramble backwards towards Matt. Seeing her possibly escaping him, the loathsome monster pulled his gun and aimed it at her. “Get back here.” He snarled, pulling back on the hammer.

But Matt was quicker and in a moment, he lay on the floor, his unfired gun still in his hand.

“Kitty?” Matt called as he cautiously stepped closer and grabbed the gun from the fallen man’s hand.

“I’m alright,” Kitty managed.

Matt looked back down to the dying man. “She… was… mine.” He gasped. “I… I…” His voice faltered then and his eyes rolled back in his head as he died.

Matt whirled back around to Kitty and swiftly reached down, pulling her into his arms, carrying her out of the bedroom and down the hall to another room. He barely paused as he kicked the door open and carried her inside, laying her on the bed.

Kitty held tightly to his neck, refusing to let go even after he had laid her down. Tremblingly, she cried as she clung to him, adrenaline and fear still coursing through her veins.

Matt sat down beside her, and held her tightly, murmuring words of reassurance. “It’s alright, honey. It’s gonna be okay. It’s alright, Kitty.”

At that moment, Kitty realized it would be okay. As long as the man, who held her, continued to do so, she would fine. “Oh, Matt.” She buried her head even deeper into his chest, feeling for the first time in six weeks like she had come home.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

“Matthew,” Festus asked rather anxiously as Matt finally came downstairs from Kitty’s room. “Miss Kitty gonna be alright, is she?”

Matt nodded, taking a deep breath.  “Yeah, Festus. Doc’s giving her something to help her sleep, and checking her out. She’s gonna have a heck of bruise on her chin, but other than that he thinks her and the baby will be fine.”  He looked around the now empty barroom.   “I see Sam’s already closed up.”

“Yeah, he figured Miss Kitty don’t need the bother of a saloon full of raunchy cowpokes.”

“I think he’s right. She was pretty shaken up.” Matt told him as he took a seat next to Festus.

“I sure am sorry, Matthew,” Festus said regretfully. “I know’d that yahoo was trouble and I shoulda throwed him out right off.”

“It’s not your fault, Festus.” Matt said. “He was determined to get to Kitty and you throwing him out wouldn’t have stopped him.” He shook his head at the near close call.

“Why’d he wanna do sumthin’ like that ya reckon?” Festus asked.

“Well, I’m not sure,” Matt answered. “But I have an idea he’s the one that took Kitty and held her. He said something before he died about taking her back. From the size of him, I figure that coat she was wearing, when she was found, would’ve fit him.”

“Well, I’m jes glad you got there afore he had no chance to do nothing.” Festus waved a hand as he drained his beer mug.

Matt nodded. “Me too, Festus.”

Both looked up then as they heard Doc coming down the stairs. “Matt,” Doc called. “She wants to see you.”

Matt was up and halfway up the stairs before Doc spoke again. “Don’t stay too long. She needs her rest.”

Matt nodded as he continued his climb to the second floor and made his way down the hall to the room he’d taken her to earlier. Knocking softly on the door, he was rewarded with a soft, yet firm “Come in.”

Matt opened the door, and stepped inside. “Kitty?”

“Hey, Matt.” Kitty tried to smile. “I… I wanted to thank you for what you did.”

Matt crossed the room and took a seat beside her on the bed. “You don’t have to thank me. I’m just sorry I didn’t get up here sooner.”

“You didn’t know.” She said, as she placed her hand on his arm. “Nobody knew he was up here. He just barged in and said something about taking me back. I think he was the man that… that took…” She dropped her head. “When I was struggling with him, I got these flashes… these images… I remembered being in a room with him and he…” She stopped again. As badly as she had wanted to her memory back, images like those she’d be just as glad to leave behind.

“He could’ve been, Kitty.” Matt answered quickly. “But he won’t ever bother you again, no matter who he was. You’re safe now.”

Kitty looked up at him, an odd expression on her face. “Am I?” She asked seriously.

“What do you mean?” Matt asked reaching for her hand. “Of course you are. He can’t ever hurt you again.”

Kitty regarded him seriously. “Matt, when we were out at Spring Creek, you mentioned others had hurt me. Was one of them a tall man with blond hair and a mustache?”

Matt’s heart sank as he realized she remembered Mannon. Slowly he nodded. “Yeah, a man named Mannon.”

Kitty nodded. “And was there a woman? An old woman with blue eyes and a dark haired man, dressed like a cowboy?”

Matt thought regretfully of Etta Stone and Tate Crocker, nodding again. “You remember them?”

“When I was fighting with that man, those _flashes_ I got… I saw those people too. Were there more than that?”

Matt nodded yet again, finding it difficult to speak. He was afraid this was where she would tell him goodbye.

Kitty digested that information as she considered her circumstances. Finally taking a deep breath, she reached for his hand and tugged at it until he looked up at her. “I must’ve loved you an awful lot to endure that and stay here.”

Matt blinked back a wayward tear. “Yeah, you did and I guess I took it for granted. It wasn’t that I didn’t love you, but…”

“Yeah, I know.” She smiled. “You told me that out at the creek. You also told me that you still wanted me to love you.”

Matt shakily returned her smile. “More than anything.”

“And I think I want that too. Those little flashes I got kinda showed me some bad things. I’d like to replace that with something good.”

Kitty’s smile lit up the room for the worried man and when she pulled him close and graced him with a kiss, he could think of nothing he wanted more than her love.

When their lips finally parted, he regarded her honestly. “I want more than anything to make your life wonderful from here on out.” He told her. “But I’m not sure I can do that. This has ruled my life for a lot of years.” He tapped on the badge still pinned proudly to his chest.

“Well, I’ll tell ya what.” She told him frankly. “What if we kinda take things one day at a time and go from there. You know, I may not be the Kitty Russell you remember. And I am gonna have a baby in a few months that could belong to that man down the hall. You may not want me.”

Matt shook his head in denial. “There will never be a day that I don’t want you.” He told her.

 **Ecclesiastes Three** **Conclusion**

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

The next few months were ones of trepidation and discovery for the saloon owner. Thanks to her encounter with the man, whose name was finally found to be Ronald Ganus, she had regained a sense of herself, if not her memory. Though she did have several more ‘flashes’, as she called them, she would, according to Doc, most likely never remember her life before.

But she was content in that. She was content in the life she was now living. She had relearned the saloon business and it was now even more successful than before. Knowing after her child was born the less she would or could be there, she had offered Sam part ownership of the place and was gratified when he agreed. He took over the complete running of the place immediately. And although Kitty hadn’t asked for money from him up front, he took great pride in obtaining a loan from Mr. Botkin and paying her for his share right off.

Kitty and Matt continued to work on their relationship and though it astounded the entire town he, on stiffened, bended knee, asked Kitty to marry him in the middle of Delmonico’s on a busy Saturday night.

To his surprise as well as everyone else’s she didn’t immediately say yes. She understood the consequences of being an unwed mother and wasn’t concerned. And though the paternity of the child did concern her; that was not the reason for her hesitancy either.

Kitty just wanted to be certain that the man she gave her heart and her life to, was worthy of them. She may not have her memory of her past life but she had learned enough to know that being with Matt Dillon would come at a high price. She wanted to be sure of his love for her and of her own love for him as well.

Matt for his part, did everything in his power to make sure she knew what she meant to him. He courted her as he never had before. Though it was a difficult process for the stoic marshal, his hard work showed in the way he now treated Kitty.

No longer did he shy away from kissing her or holding her hand in public. No longer did he refuse to acknowledge her as the love of his life. If someone asked who she was, Matt was now quick to say, “She’s mine,” with a pride to his tone and manner that he’d never shown before.

It took a great deal of effort for the reticent man but he finally learned to open up about his feelings, at least to Kitty. He realized his standard answers of before, such as “We’ve never needed explanations” or “Well, you know how I feel” would no longer work. She did need explanations and she truly didn’t know how he felt because she didn’t remember it.

The once iconic lawman who wouldn’t have looked at flowers, now found himself picking them and delivering them with a smile and a dinner invitation. He found himself saying no when requested to leave town, unless it was really part of his job and even then, he wasted as little time as possible in order to return to Dodge and Kitty.

Though Kitty hadn’t demanded it and in actuality hadn’t even considered it, Matt finally came to the conclusion that he had to make a choice. Though still a proud and effective lawman, one of the best, his superior Rod Proctor had said, he wasn’t sure if he still wanted to be.

That tin star that he had pinned to his chest so many years before had become, in essence his life. It had taken a great deal from the dedicated Marshal and had given little back besides multiple injuries and death threats from every man he had put away.

He was of course proud of the work he had accomplished over the years, the lives he had saved and the spoilers he had stopped from committing further mayhem. And he knew that without his dedication and determination the state of Kansas, and in particular Dodge, wouldn’t be nearly as civilized as it was. But that knowledge did little to warm his bed at night or soothe him when the toils and cares got him down or nightmares assailed him in his sleep.

Kitty had proven to be the only one who could do that for him and the day she had finally said yes to his proposal he was ecstatic. Though she had insisted that the wedding did not have to be prior to the birth of the baby, he was steadfast in the assertion that HIS child would not be born without his name.

Uncharacteristically, for the _new_ Kitty Russell, she agreed to his wishes and a small, hasty but beautiful wedding was held in the Dodge City Community Church. Kitty looked up with tears in her eyes as Matt pulled a simple but elegant diamond and gold ring from a small black box he’d kept in his safe for many years.

At the request of both the bride and groom, the pastor read a part of Ecclesiastes Three during the ceremony. To everything there is a season.” He’d said. “And this truly is the season of love for these two people.”

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

Kitty woke for what seemed like the 100th time needing to use the water closet. Now in the very final stages of her pregnancy, she would be glad when the baby was born. Her back had been hurting for the last two days and she was beginning to seriously think of moving closer to the water closet to sleep so she wouldn’t have to walk so far on swollen feet.

Matt stirred as she got out of bed. “Honey, you okay?” He asked sleepily.

“I’m fine, Matt.” She reassured him. “Go back to sleep. I just need to use the… Oh God.” she fairly shrieked as the pain hit her.

Matt’s sleepiness instantly disappeared as Kitty gave a low groan and settled back down on the bed. “Honey?? What is it? Is it the baby?”

Kitty took a deep breath. “I don’t know.” She answered. “But it could be.”

“I’m going for Doc.” Matt said as he sprang from bed and began to get dressed. “You lay back down there.”

Kitty shook her head. “I have to go.” She said. “Besides, the pain’s almost gone. It’s probably just a false alarm.”

Matt stopped for a moment but decided to take no chances. “I’ll help you in there,” he jerked his hand towards the water closet, “then I’m going for Doc. That false alarm just may be our baby.”

Late that evening an exhausted red head settled back against the pillows of the bed and contently watched her newborn son as he nursed. Her husband stood proudly by, watching. Kitty beamed up happily at the big man next to her. "He sure has your appetite." She grinned.

Matt smiled happily. “Yeah, that and my nose.” He shook his head ruefully.

Kitty chuckled with a shake of her head. “He also has your coloring and your hair and your beautiful blue eyes,” she noted.

“Yeah, there ain’t no way; this big fella could deny that little one.” Doc said as he shuffled into the room, being careful to stay a discrete distance from the bed while Kitty quickly pulled a sheet over her and the still nursing baby. “What’cha gonna name him, anyway?”

Kitty looked up at Matt and smiled. “We thought about all sorts of names, Doc. But nothing really felt right.”

Matt nodded. “Yeah, but we got to thinking about our lives and everything that’s taken place in them. Neither one of us would’ve made it this far if we hadn’t had strength.”

“Our strength is what he want our son to have.” Kitty added. “And the strongest names we know are from the bible. So we named him David Joseph. They had more than just physical strength and we want that for him.” She gently rubbed her son’s shoulder.

Doc grinned. “You know the bible, huh?” Doc teased her.

“You’d be surprised at the things I’ve learned over the last few months.” Kitty arched a brow at him.

Doc shook his head and tugged on an ear. “No, I don’t think I would, young lady. I have a feeling you both have learned quite a bit. And I think that’s about the best name I’ve ever heard for a baby.”

“Glad you approve.” Matt grinned.

“Oh?” Doc looked suspiciously over at him. “Since when does my approval mean anything to you?”

Matt’s grin grew wider. “Well I got a family now. I need to know I’m on the good side of the local physician in order to keep em healthy. Sides, never know when we might give David there a brother or sister. We’ll need ya then for sure.”

Kitty gave him a frown. “Do you mind I rest up a little from this one first? Or are you in a hurry?”

Matt grew serious for a moment. “I guess I am in a way, Kitty. I’ve already wasted a good deal of our lives. I don’t want to waste any more. I never realized how much of an impact you had on my life, until I came close to losing you. And I never realized how precious time was, till there almost wasn’t any left.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t want to go through that again. I love you.”

Kitty smiled warmly at the tall man who finally and firmly held her heart. “I love you too and don’t worry. You won’t lose me. Like the pastor said, it’s our time.”

The End.


End file.
